Ayahuasca 2

(If you didn't read part 1 it'll be better in order, scroll down or else it's here)

As soon as I drink the disgusting tasting mix I regret it, 'what am I doing?' 'why did I do this? I'm just going to go through hell again'. As the ayahuasca takes hold I'm desperate to purge it, the longer it's in me the more scared I am getting, the icaros start and I am leaning over the bucket willing myself to get rid of it but no joy, it'll come when it's ready. As soon as my skin tingles from the initial effects I am fighting it all the way 'lie still', 'sleep through it' every time a vision is offered I start thinking of something normal to counter it. Questions are being asked of me 'Who are you?' 'What do you want?' and I am trying to think about visiting friends anything normal. 'Ayahuasca bring me peace' I ask, 'Ayahuasca bring me acceptance of change', 'Ayahuasca give me sleep'. A bird appears to me, it might be a hawk but it's head seems to be changing around, perhaps an eagle now, I'm not sure. I really don't want this. This goes on for a while, fighting the ayahuasca and desperate to purge when I realise what the lesson is,

'Own your decisions'

I freely chose to drink this, theres no point in whinging about it after the fact, I couldn't even claim ignorance as I knew what was involved from last night. That reflected a lot of my life too, where I chose one path, then regret it and moan about not going another way. Almost as soon as I realise this the long awaited purge happens, it's minor, whereas last night I was bent into a jackknife almost pushing my face into the bottom of the bucket (the well) this is an uncomfortable but easily bearable experience. Reaching for my torch I cover it's beam from the rest of the room (ayahuasca makes you sensitive to light) and see what I've purged and see amongst the puke pink fleshy worms (yeah like I said yesterday - I know!)
'What did I purge?' I ask the ayahuasca.
'Parasites'
'How did I get them?'
'You grew them yourself out of bitterness'

Very very rapidly I feel myself coming back to the room, the icaros are growing louder and I'm rapidly calmer. This was a very tough lesson but it's over, the effects are receeding rapidly, theres still two hours at least of the ceremony left but I'm done so I curl up under my blanket and I can't remember feeling so secure and safe and comfortable, contented "mmmmm'ssss" come from me, this is wonderfully comfortable, I am really really content. The icaros are fantstic to listen to, this is the most amazing experience of my life, I can't believe I am actually doing this, I am so content and at peace. The shaman leading the icaros is dropping in explanations of the icaros as they are sung, 'Now we bring in space' next 'to balance space we call earth' next 'with earth comes water' next 'balancing water comes fire'. The interplay of the voices of the shamans and the apprentices is really really beautiful. I could lie there all night.

At one point the jungle around us echos the icaros and the background noise of the jungle gets louder and louder, almost deafening then when the icaro stops so does the jungle noise, total silence in a jungle, it's spooky. Theres a feeling of tension in the room until the shaman releases it, 'Hey' he shouts 'it's just a little ayahuasca, thank god it's not a lot' he leads an icaro that feels light and playful, most of us join in. The guy is amazing, how he can keep this up all night I don't know. The mood from now on is completely playful, the shaman is buzzing and as excited as I feel about being there. The icaro ends and the shaman is cracking jokes, it feels like a big party in there. He really is buzzing

'Who hooo it's just a lil ayahuasca, we're done now, heck it's really kicking my butt, no wait we got a little bit more'

and off he goes again into an icaro dragging the other shaman, the apprentices and the entire room with him. Theres a lot of laughs, a lot of yawning, a lot of contentment. When the lights are lit the room explodes into talk and laughter, when I sit up I realise the ayahuasca isn't finished with me yet. I'm still unstable on my feet, I spend 10 minutes getting up to standing to cheers and applause and have to get helped to the toilet area but theres no fear, no unpleasantness, like waking up from a deep sleep where you are still snuggly and dozy. The guy next to me comments on the amnount of mmmmmmm'ing I was doing and how peaceful it sounded.

Last night I had a bigger serving and cleared the effects pretty quick, tonight I had less and it has lasted hours longer, this is wierd stuff. Conversation is drifting off as people curl up and go to sleep, deciding to sleep in my bungalow I gather my stuff and take one last look into my bucket now that I'm getting to be normal again and the pink fleshy worms - are still pink fleshy worms.

That was ceremony 2.