Seeing yourself
and again, enough of the glumness.
Theres something two girls have said to me recently that I was tickled by, in summary they both said 'you're not a transvestite, you change genders when you dress'. Theres something else I've noticed myself, when I first got out I could look at photos (well the flattering ones anyway) and think 'she's pretty', I felt I could comment on how I looked as a girl because I felt distanced from the girl in the pic. Lately I can't make that judgement because what I see in the pic is me, whether a photo of me is boy or girl, I see the same person. I think I've always been insecure about my looks and I know I probably ask 'do I look ok' too much, but lately I'm asking because I genuinely don't know.
I noticed a more trivial aspect of this the other night doing the ironing (hey when I party I party!) I really like ironing the girlie stuff, I enjoy the effort it takes, and how smart a nice skirt can look totally smooth. Previously I'd be thinking stuff like 'This is mine!! this is a skirt! girls clothing! and it's mine!! this is so cool etc etc' now I don't, it's just my clothes.
Clamo, clamatis, omnes clamamus pro glace lactis
I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream.
Theres something two girls have said to me recently that I was tickled by, in summary they both said 'you're not a transvestite, you change genders when you dress'. Theres something else I've noticed myself, when I first got out I could look at photos (well the flattering ones anyway) and think 'she's pretty', I felt I could comment on how I looked as a girl because I felt distanced from the girl in the pic. Lately I can't make that judgement because what I see in the pic is me, whether a photo of me is boy or girl, I see the same person. I think I've always been insecure about my looks and I know I probably ask 'do I look ok' too much, but lately I'm asking because I genuinely don't know.
I noticed a more trivial aspect of this the other night doing the ironing (hey when I party I party!) I really like ironing the girlie stuff, I enjoy the effort it takes, and how smart a nice skirt can look totally smooth. Previously I'd be thinking stuff like 'This is mine!! this is a skirt! girls clothing! and it's mine!! this is so cool etc etc' now I don't, it's just my clothes.
Clamo, clamatis, omnes clamamus pro glace lactis
I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream.
posted by Gillian at 2:17 PM
5 Comments:
You'll be happy to know that I iron all of my stuff before running around the house snapping random frowny pics :)
I still think it's all cool though - if I didn't, what would be the point?
What's ironing?
It's really hard trying to seperate the male look from the female look. I always see me which is depressing, but have shown pics of me out to friends and they say they would never notice it was me if they didn't know what I looked like...confused myself there.
Yep, I always see "me" too.
Rarely, I think "shit! I look good tonight" but normally I see the guy shining through.
I always think I'm the same person however I'm dressed, others tend to disagree though.
I did confuse myself at the weekend though. I corrected someone for calling me "he" instead of "she" and then remembered I was in drab! Hell, it had been a long night. ;o)
Gillian, remember when you first started dressing (or any of us for that matter) and you had a hard time remembering your size in every type of clothing (bra,panty,shoe,dress, etc.)?
Now, not only do I know my sizes by heart, but I also know what styles I'll fit best in, which dry cleaner does the best job on a dress, etc. Pretty neat phase to arrive at, actually!
But, oh yeah, I always see "myself" looking back at me. Of course, that's part of the zing...:-)
Gosh, I was only saying a similar thing to Mica last night. I was referring to time out in London. It was 'me' that enjoyed the day. What I wore and how I dressed was totally irrelevant; boy & girl are the same person it's who I am.
Not highjacking your blog but supporting your point.
Becky
xx
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