Ever have that fear?
I had an eventful weekend, went to Club Angelic on Saturday, not sure what was wrong but the vibe just wasn't right, it's usually my fav club. I think it began with walking into the Campanile bar expecting the usual sea of trannyness, instead there were two girls having dinner and that was it! So I opened my can of cider (they had no booze licence that night so I brought my own) and waited for my dinner companions, a lovely dinner was had with Jenny Jackson and Jenny Shand then over to the club for 10ish (no Sean Connery jokes please). There was a dearth of trannies in the club too; had a chat, had a boogie, had too much to drink but ended up heading back early, well 3.30 and just sitting and musing musing things over.
Might have been in anticipation of the next few days - next morning I dragged my sorry butt to the airport and flew home for a burying, never been to one before, only been to burnings in the past. I don't like funerals, I feel they are an excercise in torture for the family, personally you can call the council tipper to come for me when I'm gone, I'm done with the body, do what you like with it. Fortunately I was detached as I was there to support mum but I was still misting up hell knows how the family felt. Spent some time with the family then back down on Tues.
Oh yeah so back to fear, when a muggle you know dies do you have this fear of them looking down goggle eyed from the afterlife as you prance around in a frock. See Sat was the first trannying I'd done since my uncle died. Wonder what he thought of me dressed like this
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Mater memento mori
Remember your mortality.
Might have been in anticipation of the next few days - next morning I dragged my sorry butt to the airport and flew home for a burying, never been to one before, only been to burnings in the past. I don't like funerals, I feel they are an excercise in torture for the family, personally you can call the council tipper to come for me when I'm gone, I'm done with the body, do what you like with it. Fortunately I was detached as I was there to support mum but I was still misting up hell knows how the family felt. Spent some time with the family then back down on Tues.
Oh yeah so back to fear, when a muggle you know dies do you have this fear of them looking down goggle eyed from the afterlife as you prance around in a frock. See Sat was the first trannying I'd done since my uncle died. Wonder what he thought of me dressed like this
----------------
Mater memento mori
Remember your mortality.
posted by Gillian at 6:43 PM
5 Comments:
Yeah, I get the fear quite often. A really good friend of mine died just over a year ago, and I think about him a lot. And then I think... What if he could see me now!!! I'd like to think he'd be having a good old chuckle :)
Last week my sister called and said that one of our cousins had died. She was disabled from birth and wasn't expected to live past 7, but when she died she was 30.She hadn't had an easy life but had just got on with it.
The next day I got another call from my sister saying that an elderly lady my mum had helped care for had died as well. She was in a bad way, but social services didn't help to get her into a nursing home and she died in her sleep in her own home.
So bit of a weird week.
Thing is I didn't really know either of them so won't be going to the funeral/.
As for the whole looking down on things, I don't believe that. Who knows what happens when we die, but I doubt of there is a heaven and we probably we just cease to exist (morbid as it may sound).
I am not scared of death, I am scared of leaving those I love.
"and we probably just cease to exist (morbid as it may sound)..."
You've gotta be jokin'... You don't get rid of me that easily :)
Gillian, sorry to hear of your loss, and I'm glad you were able to be there for your mum.
As far passed-on family members looking down -- yes, I have thought of that. I've always rationalized it in a few ways. One, I believe I'm living a life that expresses devotion to my family, and they should see that. Two, who knows what strange secrets they had to themselves that they took to their own graves. And three, if they truly can look down, that means they've seen it all by now, and my little dressing thing is merely a puny thing.
Funny how we can get caught up in our thoughts...
Gillian,
I am well aware that funerals are not fun, but they are a part of the grieving process. I know that they can seem to be tortuous: I think the clergy have a lot of responsibility for this - too many of them are too fond of the sound of their own voices! But I think that, done decently it can help because it allows a moment of closure. It can allow people to move on.
I'm glad you were there for your mum at the time.
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