Ennui
—Synonyms listlessness, tedium, lassitude, languor.
Thats me that is with regard to trannying and blogging. I was mulling over it this week, I don't want to wear girls clothes any less, if anything more; summer desses and skirts and cute blouses are driving me mad at work. Honestly it's like theres a cute blouse club at work, one particular girl, cute blouses and skirts every day, drives me mad. Then at work I resolve to go home that night and perorm the magic of transformation but I dont, I want to but not enough to overcome the lethargy. It's like my effort reward ratio isnt high enough. See how I think it works is this; when I was just getting out and about then a night in a skirt was a big deal, huge buzz awesome fun, well well worth the effort and expense. Now that I've been out more times than I can count (I loved when I realised I had stopped counting) the buzz is so much less, it almost feels normal and it's to much effort to transform to feel normal.
The other night I got glammed up because I had bought this adorable bloue and wanted to try it on properly, so I did. 90 mins to get ready, 10 mins swanning around in said new blouse and deprincessed, not at all like me. Not even a photo and didnt even try on any more outfits.
It's so frustrating though I havent stopped wanting to look like every girl I see on the street or every (female) film star I see on tv but I'm just not triggering the 'do it' level.
Also mucho disappointed about the rubber ball, I was going to be going there with first 3 friends, then 2, no none :( I sooo am going to go there one year.
Hope you are all well. x
Love life's looking up tho, there was this night, it was me and this girl in a big inflatable boat in my living room, and well..., a story for another day perhaps. :>)
Thats me that is with regard to trannying and blogging. I was mulling over it this week, I don't want to wear girls clothes any less, if anything more; summer desses and skirts and cute blouses are driving me mad at work. Honestly it's like theres a cute blouse club at work, one particular girl, cute blouses and skirts every day, drives me mad. Then at work I resolve to go home that night and perorm the magic of transformation but I dont, I want to but not enough to overcome the lethargy. It's like my effort reward ratio isnt high enough. See how I think it works is this; when I was just getting out and about then a night in a skirt was a big deal, huge buzz awesome fun, well well worth the effort and expense. Now that I've been out more times than I can count (I loved when I realised I had stopped counting) the buzz is so much less, it almost feels normal and it's to much effort to transform to feel normal.
The other night I got glammed up because I had bought this adorable bloue and wanted to try it on properly, so I did. 90 mins to get ready, 10 mins swanning around in said new blouse and deprincessed, not at all like me. Not even a photo and didnt even try on any more outfits.
It's so frustrating though I havent stopped wanting to look like every girl I see on the street or every (female) film star I see on tv but I'm just not triggering the 'do it' level.
Also mucho disappointed about the rubber ball, I was going to be going there with first 3 friends, then 2, no none :( I sooo am going to go there one year.
Hope you are all well. x
Love life's looking up tho, there was this night, it was me and this girl in a big inflatable boat in my living room, and well..., a story for another day perhaps. :>)
posted by Gillian at 10:44 PM
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