I hate 24

Days without cigarettes , hmmm jury's out on that one.
Days without wine - soon, soon.

The jury is out on the cigarettes thing because I went to a shisha bar last night and I'm not sure that counts. There is this amazing place behind Winterthur trains station, it's like a huge industrial complex but as you walk through it you see doors open with bars and clubs inside with no advertising on the outside. It felt like someone had got the keys to this complex and let their mates in to have a parties. Never having tried shisha before I had a pipe, it's very nice, no hit as a cigarette provides you, just a nice taste. However it's still tobacco with slightly less harmful effects thatn cigarettes so I don't think I should be doing it. However the girl Iw as with was puffing away merily on her cigarettes and I never felt like having one so that was good.

Same girl who I decided to tell about Gillian. I'd like to say it was the booze outing me but it wasn't, I didn't even have a good reason for telling her, I just wanted her to know so we could talk about stuff. I'd just been to see her in a fashion show and she was telling me about the organisation, and I wanted to tell her 'I know, I've done one too'

Hmmmm

Well she was shocked, even a bit freaked initially and the word 'disappointed' was mentioned too. She wanted to ask loads of questions though and went through the pics on my PDA a dozen times and seemed ok when we'd talked about it but I'm left wondering if I should have told her. I feel she's trustworthy and I don't expect it'll be passed on, but the sober light of day says I probably should have had a better reason to tell someone. I guess I am spoiled by the reactions I've had from friends and I expect that reaction. again I say

Hmmmmm

Oh well.

Heck this went off topic, I was meaning to say I've just finished Season 6 of 24 and that'll be the last I'm watching of it, what a heap of pooh! unbeleivable plot twists, ridiculous conclusions and the CTU has it's security breached yet again, yawn yawn. Time to end it.

I hurt someone

I hurt someone, someone I care about. actually a couple I care about. I'm really gutted, I owe these people a lot, possibly more than I can describe. I don't want to go into the details but I saw a situation one way and they saw it another, and being a fool I happily carried on my course, an argument happened which I thought I handled fairly. Then some weeks later after I thought it was all resolved the wife of the couple phoned me up; not agressively, nor judgementally, but just too tell me she was hurt, and I feel like a sh*t.

and now i don't feel I can ever ask them for a favour again.

TV/TS

Days without cigarettes - 121 but damn last night was close
Days without wine - when you say 'day' what exactly do you mean?

Perturbing incident this week that gave me pause. I went back to the uk to visit a friend who had felt neglected by me of late. We had fun, we talked a lot and we drank a lot and we ate a lot, but we also disagreed a lot which I didn't like. She is studying to be a psychotherapist and menioned she had mentioned me in a classroom session on tg issues (as in 'I have a friend who....'). She told me this before but on Sunday she mentioned something else. When she said I was having IPL her tutor said that in her experience that was an indication that its more than being TV. That it was an indication of being TS. I'm sure as I can be that I'm not, I've always said that if it was a no effort option then I'd do it, I want to be a girl but I don't *need* to be a girl if that makes sense.

However my friend said that I was just in denial and sub consciously I wanted to change sex. Aarrgghhh that annoyed me, no consideration that perhaps my opinion was valid just 'must be in denial because the books say so' grrrr, some lip buttoning was called for. I'd bloody better not be TS I spent long enough till I came out as TV I'd hate to think I'm wasting time now when I should be off to Thailand to come home several pounds lighter (slight exageration as the glacier pics will testify)

On a nicer note I went out last night for a works do and told a friends wife, they are this lovely couple I have been thinking of telling for a while, just so I can stop watching my tongue around them and de-princessing before they come round. Great reaction as expected, not even a blink until I showed her the pics, now she wants to go out with me as Gillian some night, should be fun.