Getting Neked

Or "When Gillian discovered she was borderline naturist"



I've just had a rather interesting and fun day and before I got home it was on the BBC news website here

What a day, a real eye opener. We had a trek to the first photo point, there was a guy treking naked, as I walked behind watching his bouncing buttocks I was struck by the parallel to trannying, here was this guy doing what he wanted to do and no one was freaked by it, he was also having a normal everyday conversation with the girl walking alongside him. I wondered if this was a big deal to him that he was getting to do this. While a younger scared Gillian would have thought 'Oh I want to go out wearing a dress' I wonder if he'd have thought 'Oh I want to go out wearing nothing at all'. I do have a photo of him from the front but trust me you don't want to see that.

The first shoot (or installation as we call them daaahling) was amongst the rocks overlooking the retreating glacier that was the symbol for the environmental effects of global warming. A tad freaky to be sitting there one minute then standing up and getting your kit off in front of the rather nice work colleage and her friend you brought along. It didn't take long at all to feel ok with it and then it really took on a kind of stark beauty - I got it. At one point we were all standing facing the camera, all these naked people, no one smiling, hands at our sides looking at this thing that was being destroyed was so moving, I felt my eyes get watery.

Then kit on, lunch and off onto the glacier proper, strip off, into little white shoes with a white mat to protect your bum and we traipse before the camera, again incredibly incredibly moving, the setting, the silence the naturalness of everyone being stark bollock naked, beautiful so amazingly tragically beautiful.

Unfortunately we had to miss the last installation as we were told everyone with a train to catch should leave now. About half the 550 strong group had to leave, as we climbed back up from the glacier, the thought came to mind that it might make a nice pic to do our own shots with the Specncer Tunick crowd in the background a couple of looks at each other and the three of us stripped off and did it and I think the photos are damn good. Two in particular are fab but I can't post them as theres other people in them.
Again I felt a parallel to trannying, the three of us stripping again could not have felt more natural, while we were taking one pic an old lady wandered over to ask if she could take one, 'yeah sure why not' all this while dozens of people wandered past. Then when we dressed and carried on we passed a lake with a group skinny dipping in it

This was a rather special day, made more so by the fact that I didn't expect anything from it, I was just doing it from curiosity. Isn't that pic of the glacier beautiful? it's retreated 120 metres in the last two years, it'll be gone in our lifetimes.

Oh and no I hadn't been swimming but yes it was cold!

A lot to be thankful for

Feeling reflective just now, - people come up and check their makeup in me (da da tish, thanks I'm here all week, please, try the fish)

It's been a funny few years since the ex went and gorn and asked for a divorce, much of it spent wearing girls clothes. People whose websites I used to read thinking 'oh I wish I could do that' I now count as friends. I remember well just wishing for one night in a dress, just one night in public, in a dress then I can die happy. I have no idea how often I've done that now, I stopped counting nights out after 10. That makes me laugh, was I the only one who counted them?? 'Hi my name is Gillian and this is my third time out.'

I've met some truly nice people and met girls who didn't care I was wearing a skirt, real honest to goodness girls who didn't just guffaw in my face as I expected them to.

I feel like setting down some highlights oh the journey

First girlie gift - a dress from Debi the night I told her
Shopping for and trying on dresses - again with Debi
First night out - Angelic at Pink Punters, what a night
Telling friends and being accepted
Gift of makeup from Linds
Gift of blouses from Linds, including one I had lusted over.
Gifts of a gazillion dresses from Karen, including two I adored when she wore them
Girlfriends being so normal and matter of fact about it all; chatting about clothes and makeup without sniggering at me.
Going out with Debi dressed to a normal restaurant
Meeting Bonnie dressed for a quick nightcap.
Sparkle fashion show, wow, heres a real girl, deciding which girls clothes I'm going to be wearing and not batting an eye about the fact I'm actually a bloke.
Flying to Sparkle; still seems like a dream that, can't believe I actually did it.
Shopping in Zurich dressed, just hanging out, being a girl.
Going on a date with someone who knows and it just not being an issue.

Things are feeling very natural of late, perhaps too natural, I get home from work, it's hot, I put on a denim mini and a strappy top and then sort of forget about it and get on with my night, I swear one night I am going to forget and just walk out the flat like that. Theres almost a buzz from not getting a buzz. Take right now for example, I couldn't sleep because I was being totured by a mossie (look take a bite you bitch but why fly into my ear with that incessant buzzing), so I'm sitting here satin chemise, satin house coat but I'm not thinking 'oh wow cool look at me dressed like a girl' it's just me, wearing some night clothes.

Contented sigh

Tonight I will mostly be crying

about this book. I have literally just finished it and tears are still wet on my face and my eyes are red, Lying there alone in bed I had to offload before I could go to sleep, so here we are, late night blogging. It's a fine book and it had me laughing from page 1 and laughing on the train in the way that other people see you laughing and smile. You might want to skip the end bit.

It's not something a non dog lover will ever understand; how much they can get under your skin, it's also brought back some memories of the wonderful pooch I lost in the divorce. I miss that pooch, I wonder what she looks like now, last I saw her she was being roughly dragged out the house, looking back at me, wonder if she would even recognise me. One time during the living hell that was sharing the same house while selling the house the ex decided to stop referring to me as 'Daddy' when talking to the pooch using instead my name, a simple thing but it hurt.

Actually that wasn't how this post was meant to be, it was about that book a celebration of the life of a seriously nutty dog, and now feeling offloaded, it's time for bed.

Gillian x

Trial by Hair

Days without cigarettes:101 - Hey I made it to 100 and didn't notice!
Days without wine: look it was the end of the bottle OK!
Days without negative comments about my hair 0.

My hairs a bit of a state, I want it long, I want to go out without a wig but it's taking so long to grow, not helped by Miss Adams whose hair was significantly shorter than mine when we met, 2 years and a gender ago and is now significantly longer - grrr.

anyway it's a struggle to look after it, it takes a lot of effort in the morning to get it looking presentable, then 5 minutes after I step out the door the hair monkeys have been at it. I have it trimmed regularly but it doesn't take long to be back to messy. Drastic measures called for so I booked up a fancy stylists, the sort of place that has a 'consultation' beforehand thats not just 'whatdya want'. an hour and half later and a lot of cash lighter I wandered blinking into the daylight with more hair care chemicals than you can shake a stick at (actually thats not true, I did shake a stick at them, just to see, well I say stick, it was a wooden spatchula really)

Actually thats not the point, forget all that, the point was, I couldn't go swimming because I had this hair appointment and told the guy I was swimming with. Hell you'd think I was back at school, all these hair comments, all afternoon, wtf??? about every 6 weeks I go, but this idiot is making a big thing out of it, and then he's off on 'Oh you're getting wound up now' well yes I was, not because he's making me feel bad about myself but because hes trying to. What is it with some people? why would you try to make anyone feel less about themselves? what possible reason could you have for doing that? thats not to rule out contructive criticism, as a close friend said, "if your mums not going to tell you I will - get your hair cut!". With this guy I just felt like saying 'How dare you even have an opinion on what I do with my body'

It's one of the things I hate most in the man world, piss taking, it's a pathetic empty waste of an evening. I think I hate it so much because I've joined in in my younger less confident days, 'just having a laugh' no it's not; it's about trying to be alpha male and heres a big kiss to show you I don't care about being him. Women are so much more positive about each other, it's such a refreshing contrast.

OK that was the point, blog entry over but if you want to hear about the hair and the tranny bit read on.

So in the consultation I was just blatant about it 'I'm a transvestite so something that could be shaped in a feminine way too would be good' I think I shocked the lass a bit, she recovered but her eyes went a bit wide and it was an elephant in the room, although she did ask me if I'd seen the latest Annabel yet and we discussed whether ballerina shoes were nice or pointless but the conversation was more of the usual stylist/customer natter while I'm thinking 'I just gave you a HUGE conversation starter' she also said my eyebrows were too long and could she trim them :). I met some friends afterwards for a drink, one of the girls (who doesn't know) said 'it's nice, maybe a little feminine though' - MWWAAAAAAH!